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Colette M. Friedman
http://colettefriedman.purpledream.com |
Lost
12/23/05 |
So young they are to you and to me
So much of their lives being lived out unhappily
Listen to their cries
Free up their smothered little smiles
Cherish each and every youthful heart
Before it all falls apart
Can't take back yesterday
Can't take back the excuses we've made
Knowing you left, when you should have stayed
Don't smother their voices
Don't allow their dreams to die
They have so much to give
So let them grow, let them try
With more than a half-hearted promise from you and I
They have voices that need to be heard
So often silenced without a single-solitary word
You may say: 'I can't, not now, not much I can do'
But the blame and burden will be felt solely by you
The children of then, the children of now
You need only ask when, You need only ask how
They came into this world with only a life to cry
But it's our loving breath...
That pumps their beating heart before we die
They have so much to offer, so let them give
With a purity of heart...
To live out the dreams they're supposed to live
Seek out their love
Seek out their pain
Don't continue to ignore it over and over again
Stop it before that dark and fatal day
Before it all slips so silently away
For their silence is LOUD
Like a dark and eerie cloud
And we know, we'll see what we've missed
It'll be evident in the ego we affectionately kissed
And it'll haunt us one stark and lonely day
Like a shout in the dark, in a subtle kind of way
The Children's Voices
They'll have the final word
They'll have the final say
Yes,
They'll have the final word
They'll have the final say
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Still Wondering
01/01/06 |
Driving down the freeway, cross the interstate
Slow enough to know I can't be late
Pop a CD in the player looking to escape
And I'm drifting, you come into my mind
Wondering, what all your soul-searching, has helped you to find
Did it teach you to care, to think of those other than you
Did it help you decide on what you need to do
Has it helped you to care about your babies so right
And helped you plan on parenting for more than one night
Only you crumble me, only you stumble me, only you humble me
Can't stand so tall in unity
Can't brag so tall in community
After all, you're still the absent one
Their father, your daughter, my son
Wouldn't it surprise you once you finally knew
That the one I'm now carrying was also fathered by you
And I'm wondering….were do we go from here
Where do we go when your still shifting and changing gear
Will you finally touch base when the end is surprisingly near
Beyond fatherhood
Beyond all imagined fear
Beyond feeling empty
Beyond angry
When I can't drop another useless tear
I still care for you, I still dare for you, I'll say a prayer for you
Pray all your soul-searching is getting you through
Pray I complete the next hundred chores I have yet to do
Would be nice to hear a word of encouragement today
And know your coming back around here to finally stay
Driving down the freeway, cross the interstate
Slow enough to know I can't be late
Pop a CD in the player looking to escape
And I'm drifting, you come into my mind
Wondering, what all your soul-searching, has helped you to find
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Beautiful Sanity
01/15/06 |
Think I was dreaming, think I was wrong
Think I got caught up in the calm before the storm
If you could only see...
What shakes up my beautiful sanity
Only you shake me up, only you wake me up
And I feel like I've been sleeping for a hundred years or so
You slipped in quietly...
You slipped in before I could even pass go
Now I'm caught, affixed to your beautiful kind
Now everything is new, old fears dazed and far behind
And now I'm down, down to the bare naked bones
Only you reveal the truth about me...
And I become weak and vulnerable instantly
Talking in all your poignant and delicate tones
And I want to know what makes you so damn smart
So intuitive when it comes to my beating heart
And you say it so right... so damn polite
And I want you...
Want you for more than one convenient night
And we listen to culture, to music, and open our minds
We talk, we dance and laugh without restraints and confines
And we get along... we get along so damn well
So what's wrong with you, let's just keep on going
Keep on going till we can no longer tell
Bypassing all probable heaven and imagined hell
And I want you, want you for more than several convenient nights
Your so beautiful to me, if you could only see...
How you shake up my beautiful sanity
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One Hundred Signs
02/01/06 |
And there is movement, like hands clicking in time
So slow to the realization that is now mine
When will I learn, why didn't I see
Why didn't I read the signs mounting before me
You tried, tried to tell me it was over and done
But I didn't listen...
No I didn't listen...
Gone before it ever begun
I saw promise without a vow
Granting more patience than time would allow
I gave you an era when an instant was mine
Surrendering my love feeling you'd be just fine
Giving you distance when intimacy was right
Offering you friendship without a handout in sight
And I heard only songs where sirens blew
100 signs without a clue
You tried, tried to tell me it was over and done
But I didn't listen...
No I didn't listen...
Gone before it ever begun
Now I walk, walk coldly away
No reason to talk, no reason to stay
Ready to go and move on this way
Cause your excuses have no place here now
Better I learned the truth about you anyhow
Gone before I became the next pathetic one
Assessing the truth before any real damage was done
And I heard only songs where sirens blew
100 signs without a clue
You tried, tried to tell me it was over and through
But I didn't listen...
No I didn't listen...
Doing what I had to do
Gone now is the feeling of needing you
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The Crying Rain
02/15/06 |
You feel it again and it hurts
It stands before you
Blocking your way
Can you trust your feelings?
Or your judgments today?
Take a deep breath
Hold the moments far away
Close your eyes now
Listen to the rain
Pounding the ground
Down your windowpane
And I cry...
I fall into the abyss
I feel the swallowing
Like bees swarming, encircling my wrists
I succumb to the powerlessness
I console but take no blame
Somehow my soul has evaporated into the mist
I am watching me
I am floating, so far away
Away from the darkness of my wake
I ask for salvation for my hurting, burning, sake
And I pray...
If I could be close to my mind
If I could reach out and touch me
For my true sight is now foggy and blind
If I could forgive those...
Whose hurt has unrelenting pain
If I could be kind to the child...
Whose memory will never be the same
If I could be my own angel...
In the darkness of another fearful night
I know my tears would surely wake the heavens
With their own dark reverie and fight
And I now listen...
Listen for a sign
Or maybe a place to escape
A road I could follow
In the footsteps of the crying rain
For this heartbeat cannot beat the pain
Coming down now...
Past my footsteps, down my windowpane
And I look out and away
My eyes closed tight
And I see a garden...
An Eden where breathless beauty and light flow
A special place encapsulated for those who know
Where crystalline winters dot the landscapes in a powdery white snow
A place to go when the fire burns, but, burns a bit too slow
And I see...
A great sea of velvet, embracing all within deep indigo waves
Sounds splashing the seascape in a foamy white blaze
This is where I will stand...
When my life falls beyond boundaries…in those dark, in-between days
And I now see...
My life is in the eyes, the eyes of the beholder
Grasping what meaning it can, as I grow older
And I understand...
While time takes us for every pedal a rose could peel
Cementing every thorn a scar would reveal
Past every voice a child can't find
A listener is born with a similar mind
And I am listening...
I will be close besides you
When you need to stay
I will be there to find you
When you've lost your way
I will reach out and guide you
When you've gone astray
I will reach out and touch you
When all else, seems far away
I will forgo old behaviors
In order to teach you a new way
I will be the voice that speaks out for you
When you have no words to say
You see I can only care...
Care about you in my own private way
As I move through my own darkness
You become a beam of hope boasting a new day
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Broken Blossoms
03/12/06 |
Feel like I'm stuck, permanently stranded
Another broken blossom for every stem handed
Can't move either way
Can't turn you out
Can't break me away
I try, try to believe it won't happen again today
but, the fighting keeps coming back around to comfortably stay
We talk, we cry, but you can't see
What this relationship is doing to me
The time spent, the days they fade
And we keep stepping into this cruel mess we've made
So busy, so many things to do and see
And I'm still here...
Stuck on you, stuck on me
Can't turn you out
Can't break me away
Another broken blossom falling down deeply today
Need to clean you right out
Wash you far away
See we're no good, no good they say
Not now, not tomorrow, not yesterday
Each a dangerous addiction
A toxic mix
An erosive affliction
And I must try harder
I must do what I need to do
To fall out of love with you
So many things to do and see
And I'm still here...
Stuck on you, stuck on me
Can't turn you out
Can't turn me away
Another broken blossom falling down deeply today
You leave, I leave
It's always the same
Another hurtful, punishing game
An old rehearsed, played-out scene
Cause it's never what it may seem
Never apart long enough
To expose this co-dependency dream
And you say, I love you...
And I say, I love you too...
We makeup and we do what we usually do
Faking old ways back into something new
Broken blossoms falling down deeply into view
And I say, I love you...
And you say, I love you too...
Broken blossoms falling down deeply into blue
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Voices In The Shadows
04/30/06 |
Muffled dialogue, a shout, squeaking, a stairwell, rusty and old
An alley, distant lighted windows, horns beeping,
Chimes, restaurant doors open, car doors slam
Traffic swishing, the putter of sliding windows, conversations, footsteps
And then something happens…
A pause...
A hurried silence...
It is quiet...
A timid rustle of leaves in the breeze...
And I can finally think...
I want to cry...
God has given me gifts
Gifts that I, and I alone own and appreciate...
Yes, I thank him everyday
A spoken gratitude, a nod, a hug, a whisper
For my children
For those that love me
And those that have helped me
I do remember all of you
In a billion silent words, a hundred of them spoken
And I pause...
I want to cry....
It is something I must do...
For God has given me a history
A history I wish to change
He has given me a conscience
One that tires of the struggle for right
He has given me free will
And I cannot choose to use it freely
He has given me morality
Always fearing I cannot live up to its expectations
He has given me a heart
For which beats harder and longer for those other than me
He has given me courage
Often a masked lie for my fears and insecurities
He has given me talents
Which I have put aside for practicality
He has given me compassion
For which I continually criticize for its interference
He has given me strength
Which weakens me often, beyond mass and bone
He has given me drive
Which too often brings me back to the beginning
He has helped me to understand the art of resiliency
Forever bearing stringency as my keeper
He has shown me the need for creative thought
Leaving me channeling every effort into a masterpiece…
Which too often… only my eyes can see
He has taught me rejection
Leaving me yearning more for acceptance
He has taught me vulnerability
And I learn ways to fight its feel
He is teaching me the art of patience
But I remain too impatient to learn
He has shown me that when one door closes, another one opens
And I continually feel like I am closed in
I have felt beauty and love for nature and the delicate earth
But continue to minimize its impact on my mind, body, and spirit
He has shown me miracles in denominations that continually change
And I continually cry out for a helping hand
I have felt appreciation for the good in my life
But continue to remain burdened by the bad
Many times I cry, and complain about the type of family I did not have as a child
Forgetting to realize that it is not the type or the amount that grounded me,
But the quality that enabled me to spring up from
I so often feel like I am the only one trying very hard to accomplish much in my life
That I forget to look back into the past, that was once my childhood
I so often feel like I am alone in the adversity that confronts me always
Forgetting it is still fueling my passions
Many times over my lifetime I have swam willingly into the waters of self-pity
Only to realize it's suffocating hold
Oftentimes, I've become overwhelmed by the circle of change constantly surrounding me
Only to realize that a square just does not suit me
And lastly…
So often, I have wished for a chance to sit with God to ask him what he wants from me?
A dreamlike vision of a conversation, which would answer the purpose to my existence and finally... why am I here?
And after my tears, my anger, my resentment, and feelings of failure…all subside
The only answer I could come up with was...
What newness will tomorrow bring and what will I learn from it?
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Alive In The Life
05/15/06 |
I sit down, to relax, to just think… I don't know
where is change?
A new way to see, another way to go
I say all right, all right for now...
And I surrender; for I do not wish to fight
I wish for gold to powder the night
I wish for color to flower the day...
To paint the words I cannot say
I wish for peace, a silence of the mind
to paint the quiet I cannot find...
And I lay down...
Here in fields of gold, buttercups smile and say hello
Emerald blades drift beyond the tender winds that blow
A quiet lake, no waves to compete for a chance
Wooded greenery all motion in symphonic dance
A singular flower in fields that swallow your glance
Rolling hills bronzed and browned in an earthly glow
A seasoned sunset flaunting its colors in a pompous show
And I say all right, all right for now
A chance to paint the way; show me how
I wish to create the majesty I see
Everyday in full and plenty
And I wonder if this could ever be done
Alive in the life of the egotistical one
Here is change...
Beyond the existence of my day-to-day
Alive in the life...
How different it could all be
to see through altered eyes so naturally
Alive in the life...
Painting a new me so beautifully...
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A Quiet Cafe
05/30/06 |
My heart pounding
Downright thumping through my skin
My mind a flurry
The upsurge of intermittent worry
Long after the aspirin has begun
Cause Jesus ain't coming around
To wash away what's already been done
And I slip down quietly
Down into a quiet cafe chair
My favorite cafe,
On the corner of Dill and Vine
The only place where I can guilelessly lose my mind
A newspaper... my favorite latte
And I breathe... just breathe...
Don't want to feel
Like tiny beads of worry
Circumventing tiny veins in a tiny hurry
The place where I am, a place of blue
True to the meaning and memory of you
I ask what have I done...
Must have lost my mind long before the deed ever begun
Me and you, an amazing night
A waste of time to even fight
Taboo from a married point of view
No reason to ask what did we do
You have invaded my soul
Raiding all my senses
An aromatic fight for control
Leaving the sweet fragrance of passion sliding in for the win
Upsetting the game with a categorical denial of sin
And I slip down quietly
Into my quiet café chair
The place I saw you there
Sipping my favorite latte
In my favorite cafe
On the corner of Dill and Vine
The only place where I can guilelessly lose my mind
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The Heart
06/17/06 |
Tears, dripping, watering away
Having looked up, down has got me today
They say your eyes are the mirrors of your soul
Many pieces, broken and whole
I am clear, I am fuddled; I am dreary, I am droll
I am everything I don't know
Dripping, watering away
Like a drop in the well water...
Life ripples around me today
And I quiet my mind...
If only for a moment, if only for a while
Forsaking a solitary tear for one more smile
For it has become heavy and painfully dividing
It has been warming and grimly abiding
A lonely heartbeat, slowly beating in time
A tightening in my chest from a swelling vine
Dripping, watering away
Confusion dominating the day
I let you in, compassion made your home
Forgiveness let you roam
Love set you free while hate held me
And you took it... you filched it all
Soaring to new heights while I took the fall
And I forgave you... I forgave you once more...
Tears, dripping, watering away
Having looked up, down has got me today
A solitary word, a wistful prayer
A gilded pathway beyond one more layer
For I want it to end, simply come to a halt
Stop the bleeding from this frontal assault
And I shall pray...
I shall look up again and find another way
Having held the heart that is heavy today
I shall have to choose what is complex and unkind
If only for one peaceful moment...
If only for one restful mind...
And change the path that has shrouded my way
Having looked down now, free has got me today...
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